That’s right all, the time has come, I’ve grown too big for my hometown and it’s time to move on. I’m looking for a new city in which to settle. Does anybody want to offer me a tax break?
Allow me to explain. You see, when I move to your city I will pay taxes. That’s right. I will pay taxes when I move there. I, too, will accept that most basic of social contracts. Do you understand what I’m offering to you? I will be bringing revenue to your fair city. Revenue you don’t get now because I don’t live there. Surely I deserve a discount then for choosing you. Believe me, I could choose anywhere.
I currently pay taxes in my hometown. And my state. But you don’t get that, do you see? Now sure, I pay federal taxes too, but come on, you think that’s helping you? We’ve got bigger priorities to deal with. Also I don’t pay that much in federal taxes.
But I will pay taxes when I move to your city. If you give me a discount. And yes, okay, I might take advantage of a few other programs you provide to pay even less taxes, but come on, that’s what they’re for right? I mean who do you think those programs are supposed to help, the people who already live there? What have they done for you lately? I’m going to move to your city. How often do people do that?
So keep those programs; you could even make some new ones. And give me a discount. It’ll be worth it. I’ll still be paying some taxes. I mean look, I’ll still pay sales tax at least. (There’s no avoiding that one, am I right, my fellow common man?)
I love your city. I would love to move there so I can enjoy its amenities and pay taxes. If you give me the discount. And the other programs. Don’t reduce the amenities though. I love those amenities; they’re world class. Trust me, I’ve looked around. I could move anywhere.
So do we have a deal or what? What’s not to love about this?
Wait what’s that you say? You’ve lived here for years and pay taxes already too? With no discount?
You should move.
As the Rezoning Technical Assistance Coordinator, Chris Walters advocates for affordable housing and equitable land use at the Association for Neighborhood & Housing Development (ANHD).